Jenny Gray, 2006.

“Long lines with a heavy mass:  I like Calder’s playfulness, that aspect of doing work for joy.” 

Jenny Gray wears red Converse All-Star sneakers and has two large dogs with which she takes long walks near her home and studio in Monroe.  Jenny keeps chickens and, contemplating the abundant weeds surrounding her home, is thinking about training a goat to help keep the weeds down. 

Jenny was raised in Southern California on a sailboat that she found ways to get off whenever she could.  Low ceilings, tight quarters, Southern Californian congestion, and the practical concerns of needing to earn a living have shaped Jenny’s life.  While working at a video store to put herself through school, Jenny began her lifelong career as a graphic designer, and while she doesn’t protest too loudly about it, the confines of the three C’s, chair, computer, and clients have held her long enough.

 Jenny’s mother was a photographer whose death eight years ago stimulated something Jenny already knew about herself, that she wanted to pursue the things for which she has a passion.  Jenny divides each day between her graphic design business and as a dedicated painter who paints what she sees, paints what she feels, paints to bring joy to others, paints to please herself, and paints to be free. 

Below is Jenny in her own words and it is well worth the read.

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JEB  “Where are you from?” 

JG  “I grew up in Newport Beach, southern California.  I moved there in the 3^rd grade.  It was a party town.  Everyone there was fairly wealthy except for us.  All my friends had million dollar houses, limos, and…”  

JEB  “How did that affect you?” 

JG  “I was definitely aware of it.  I remember once a teacher looking at all the dressed up kids said, ‘You kids are all spoiled’ and little did they know I was dressed up because I had to go to work not just dressed up because we had lots of money.  So I worked in junior and senior high school.”  

JEB  “What kind of job did you have?” 

JG  “I was in retail, in a nice department store; clothes, everything.” 

JEB  “How was that?” 

JG  “When I was young I thought that was pretty good, but looking back now I realize I could never do it now.” 

JEB  “You Grew Up On a Sail boat? 

JG  “Yes I did, In Newport Beach CA.  My Dad, that was his passion -- he raced sailboats so we lived on the boat because he couldn’t afford to race boats and live on land (Big Laugh).  It’s perfect sunny, warm weather in Newport Beach, that’s why he likes to live there.  There are a lot of races out of there.” 

JEB  “Are you a sailor?” 

JG  “I never liked it much, really (laughs).  It was okay but I was kind of forced into it and I would try to get out of it any way I could.  I’d try to go spend the night at my friend’s house.  Being a teenager on a boat you’ve got no room …  it wasn’t that much fun.  It might sound like fun but…” 

JEB  “I’m intrigued by the ship thing.  Your Dad?” 

JG  “He’s still racing.”  

JEB  “What was it like to live with low ceilings?” 

JG  “The ceilings were probably six feet at the most.  It wasn’t that small of a boat, but maybe that’s part of the space thing.  I think having a certain amount of land or space (Is nice) because compared with where I grew up that’s a certain novelty.  Land.” 

JEB  “And your mom; she died young?” 

JG  “She was fifty-four, that was almost eight years ago.  As it relates to what I do, it kind of made me take stock.  People don’t realize how short life is in a certain way…I haven’t gone to analysis over it.” 

JEB  “In your early life were you moving in the direction of art?  Were your parents supportive of that?” 

JG  “Yes, well maybe fifty/fifty.  My maternal grandmother taught art history, European art history.  She would teach travelers, art appreciation.  She was really involved in Impressionistic, European art and then my mom was a photographer so I was always around it a little bit.  And my mom, she had a boyfriend when I was young who did these wild, dripping, in the seventies kind of things {paintings}.”  

JG  “So, I was around it, but I lived mostly with my Dad, who was not so much into it.  He was not so much, firm, but he was always kind of -- we didn’t have very much money so he was always encouraging me to do something that you could earn some money at.  So, I went to school for graphic design  {at San José State College} it seemed like art, at the time it did, but it was something you could earn money doing.”  

JEB  “How did you pay for college?” 

JG  “I got loans and worked doing production and design.  I worked after High School at a video store, and while working there I put together this little newsletter cutting and pasting it.  From that I got a job at a printer and after that I they got one of the first Macintosh’s.  Because I was going to Community College at the time, and had taken some “computer science” classes -- it was totally unrelated to a Macintosh but they thought I could do it, so I just sat down and figured it out.  I never had any classes but it was enough to get my foot in the door and pay for school.”   
JEB  “What prompted the move from California?” 

JG  “The cost of living, a little bit, and traffic, it just wasn’t for us.  I got sick of everything being crowded and tons of cars, and so expensive you couldn’t move out to the area where there aren’t so many cars.”  

JEB  “You were in the Bay Area, San Francisco? 

JG  “I was in San Francisco for a little while but I was in San Jose and the Silicon Valley area. 

JEB  “What drew you to Monroe?  This area is more open than other parts of the Willamette Valley.” 

JG  “Yes, we like the landscape, the fields, the hills, the mix.  We looked at some areas that were really dense with Fir, and it’s already dark enough here because of the trees,  

JEB  “Are you in some kind of conversation with these weeds?  Are you seeing things differently?  Do you have favorite times of the year or have things you look forward to?” 

JG  “I do like -- everything has its time of year and there are things I look forward to.  Like this time of year there is all the moss and lichen.  In the fall it’s always a nice change.  But the Summer here is kind of my favorite and I’m not sure if that’s because I‘m kind of a wimp and it’s a warmer time or what I love about the Summer.  The days are so long we just sit outside and we’re hardly ever in the house. 

Separating Two Worlds. 

JEB  “You continue to work as a graphic designer in your own business -- Gray Design?” 

JG  “Yes.  I try to keep them separate, those two worlds, because, to me they’re pretty different.  I do that part-time and do this 3/4 time.” 

JEB  “Keeping the worlds separate; is that a problem?  Does it work? 

JG  “I haven’t been kind of out there, saying I’m a painter for very long so I don’t know if it’s working or not.  When I first had my stuff up at OPUS6IX, clients that I knew on a very professional level, all business, would call me and say, “Is that your stuff?”  It was just such a shock for them, to know me in that way so I think it’s probably not great for business because they’re hiring a professional consultant and it seems as though a lot of the world thinks artists are just flaky and eccentric.  I think I partly am.  It’s okay for the people I know in the art world to know I do graphic design, but going the other way doesn’t work sometimes.  At least that’s the feeling I get though no one has come out and said “You, I’m not working with you anymore.” 

JEB  “Would your work be different if you were not doing graphic design?” 

JG  “Yes, there’s a tension because I don’t like sitting at the computer.  I used to do it for ten, sometimes twelve hours a day, so maybe I’m trying to break out or express something. 

Jenny points to some work. 

JG  “I like these lines; there’s something in that chaos, something to that I’m just delving into.  Maybe it’s part of me, of not knowing what to do.”

JEB  “If you had your druthers would you just work as a painter?” 

JG  “Probably.  I didn’t use to feel that way; maybe it’s just a function of age.” 

JEB  “Are you not wanting to wait any longer to do your creative work?” 

JG  “That actually happened probably four years ago.  I used to have an office in Eugene.  I closed that to eliminate the overhead and I couldn’t take doing it full time any longer.  I still need to do it and it’s not all bad.  I just don’t want to do it full time.  Maybe there’s a nice way you can say that.” 

JEB  “Its common to most artists, how you manage your creative growth.  So, four years ago was there something else going on around the decision to close your office?”   

JG  “Because my mother died at a pretty young age, from that what I mostly take away is that life is short, and you better do what you want to do or you might look back and say, you know I wish I had done that.  I started my business for that same reason, because I wanted to see if I could do it, and succeed, and then I did it, and I, maybe I just needed a new challenge.   

JG  “I wish I would have gone the fine art route, looking back on it now, but…” 

JEB  “Are you not formally trained in fine art?” 

JG  “I‘m trained in design which required a lot of fine art classes, but no, my degree is not in fine art.  It’s in graphic design and there’s such a range there.  My stepfather was a strong influence.  One of his photographs is in the house.  He was a photographer too, the head of the photography department at San Francisco State, so he has that teacher mentality.  He taught me and encouraged me.” 

A House Divided Cannot Stand:  Well, Yes It Can If You Have Dogs. 

JG  “I keep a schedule; I divide the day in half.  In the summer I come out here in the morning and in the winter I come out here in the afternoon after the heater has been on for a while.  The house is a lot cooler in the summer in the afternoon, so I’ll do my graphic design work then.” 

JG  “I try to take an hour walk between the two to kind of clear the slate.  Taking the dogs for a walk, that’s how I do it.  It is a challenge and I’m not sure people realize how much so.  I’m just looking at a lot of stuff back in the hills, and a lot of the time it’s just looking and thinking about what I’m going to do in the studio.  It is a calm time and it gives you space to think about those things that you don’t get to otherwise.” 

Jenny’s Studio. 

JEB  “When you converted the studio was it to your specifications?” 

JG  “Not really.  We just had to insulate it and make it warm.  I probably would have left it rougher, but my partner/husband, we’re not married, he had to get into his perfectionist mode and I’m the beneficiary of it.” 

I Try To Stop Myself From Over Thinking. 

JEB  “What word do you use to describe your own work?” 

JG  “I use … abstract, but I try to stop myself from over thinking.  I’ve thought about it of course but I haven’t delved into exactly what it is.  A lot of the pieces in OPUS6IX are based on something and hardly anything is just totally non-representational.  There are some that may not translate when you look at them, but at least to me there are things in there that do represent things -- a house, a landscape, or whatever.” 

There is a black and white photo attached to the wall beside Jenny’s easel.  The painting on the easel is a translation of the photo. 

JEB  “When I saw the photo there I understood your work better.  Are you seeing and translating things? 

JG  “Yes, that’s basically it, like shapes in the landscape, shapes in silly places, like Junction City or the alley in Monroe; wherever.  Even weeds.  Lately I’ve been looking at the weeds.  There’s so much vegetation around here.  Often it’s too much so I use it like a landscape -- little houses, fields with a little house, or with a little pump house; roads; that kind of space.  I went through a phase where I named everything untitled.  That way everyone could make up their own mind.  Then I started naming them.  I have a friend, who says I always want to know what the artist was thinking.  So –what do you think? 

JEB “I hate to think what I think.  My mother used to tell me to shut up and look at the work.” 

JG  “Exactly!” 

JEB  “Artists are so often asked to use words to describe what is really not a word process:  the nature of abstraction?  When you do a piece, how do you want people to approach your work, and does it matter to you? 

JG  “It might depend on the piece, but as a general thing, just a positive – it sounds kind of woo woo, but it might just be a positive feeling or bumps your happiness level up just a touch.  Just a positive.  I listen to the news and get all bummed, so I’m going to do something good or positive.  As a general thing that’s what I’m thinking: the freedom.  I’ve never been to Europe, or basically anywhere except for Mexico and Canada, and going there made be see what the United States is about.  It’s that freedom and outrageous…I don’t know; you take that for granted.  So sometimes it’s about that freedom, not in a patriotic way.” 

JEB  “Do you mean having freedom from rules and conventions? 

JG  “Yes, everyone in Paris has their house, seven stories tall and usually stone and not painted.  But here, people paint their houses wild colors or ridiculous or whatever.  I’ve come to appreciate that.” 

JEB  “Do you paint standing up?” 

JG  “I do, and since I have this space now and can move back and forth and around.  Part of it is I think I started painting because I was just so frustrated by not being able to paint, so the physical part of it is sometimes good.  (Laughs) 

JEB  “Were your mother and step-dad art photographers?” 

JG  “Yes, my step-dad is pretty well known in the art world of San Francisco.  He has stuff at MOMA and sold it, and has it collected; so yes they were always fine art.  My mom was never that well known but… 

Noticing Some of that History, Some of the Mistakes. 

JG  “Sometimes, I notice things, when I’m taking a hike or whatever, and I come back and sketch the elements that I like.  Usually, that’s’ just a starting point and I don’t just transfer that to the canvas but I will look at and make small sketches to work out the composition and get an interesting dynamic.  It changes a lot once I start.” 

JEB  “How does that shift to color?” 

JG  “I do think about color, but this time of year it’s kind of hard.  I go out and look at fields or, sometimes it’s more of a conscious effort to come up with a striking color or two things that really work off each other.  Sometimes I use color as an emotional thing; that positive thing.” 

JEB  “Once you have a sketch and take that to the canvas, to your easel, the palette and the tubes:  is it in the head, the hands, the heart?   

JG  “I think when you start it’s in your head, but then it reacts and bounces off of that and what other color is going to make what I want to stand out, what I want to happen.  At first it’s kind of -- I saw that color, lets’ try that.  But sometimes its’ totally different, painted completely over.  I like to see some of that history, some of the mistakes in there.   

JEB  “Is it play, is it fun?” 

JG  “Yes! 

JEB  “I get the sense that when you’re at your easel you’re happy.” 

JG  “Yes!  Maybe that’s why I need to do it.  Its what makes me happy:  the dogs and painting. 

JEB  “Who and what have you been influenced by?  Not just artists.”   

JG  “Growing up in California had something to with it.  I grew up on a sailboat so I find myself doing a lot of linear elements.  I think all those stanchions and years of seeing that over and over, the bright sky, well it used to be bright now it’s kind of smoggy, but the bright sky, and bright clear water -- I think that has something to do with it.  I also like California artists a lot, the Bay area artists.” 

JEB  “Have you done non-abstract art?” 

JG  “Yes, I have, I basically did it until about three years ago.  Usually it was landscapes.  Maybe because of the photography thing, it never really interested me because I thought -- if you want to represent something you might as well take a photo of it.” 

And What Do You Do? 

JEB  “If your at a party and somebody gets around to the “What do you do question?  What do you answer?” 

JG  “I’ve only recently started saying I’m a painter.  And I‘ve only said it a few times.  I don’t know just how it felt.  I’m not very self confident in my selling myself like some.  

JEB  “Does it matter to you whether you say I’m a painter or a graphic designer?” 

JG  “A little bit, like you said, depending on the audience it.  I guess I wish the answer was always “I’m a painter” but I think that if I keep working hard and do the best I can, then hopefully at some point my paintings will be good enough that I’ll feel like I can get them out there a little more.  At some point I’d like to be recognized not as a graphic designer but as a painter. 

JG  “Are you selling?” 

JG  “Yes, it is a little bit… yes!” 

JEB  “Does that make it easier to say, “I’m a painter?” 

JG  “Yes, I mean, I was shocked to get into OPUS6IX and then to have stuff actually sell was great.  It’s kind of surprising in a way.” 

JEB  “Do you price your own work?”  

JG  “I do, and that’s really hard.  I don’t know if anybody knows how to price their work (laughs).  It takes so long and materials are so expensive, so if I priced it the way I would on an hourly basis it never would come close. 

JEB  “Is it hard to put a price tag on it and stand behind it?” 

JG  “It is hard.  Mostly I look at other stuff at the gallery and compare my stuff and maybe go at the lower end, look for comparables.  A lot of stuff first sold when I put it in OPUS and maybe that stuff was too inexpensive.  Now I wonder are they too expensive for where I am in life?  When you consider that you only get half of what’s there.  I’m just trying to cover.  Would you rather sell a lot for a little or fewer for more?  So I bumped up the price thinking I’d rather sell every once in a while.  I guess I’m still figuring it out.” 

JEB  “Do you have a fantasy about who would buy your work or where it would hang? 

JG  “I haven’t really thought of a particular fantasy, like to be in the Whitney or something like that, and I don’t picture this happening for years and years and years.  But, I kind of have this picture that some well-known or well-respected gallery in San Francisco or Seattle or whatever would…  I don’t dream about making it in New York so, just having my stuff up in OPUS6IX is a big step for me.  That was my fantasy.   

JEB  “It strikes me that there’s a lot of integrity to you, that it matters to you that the validation comes from peers or people that know.  That if you got recognized but didn’t believe in the piece that would feel empty to you.   

JG  “That’s why I sit on things for a while before I put it out there.  I want to make sure that I feel good about it, and once I do it won’t matter so much what others think.  At least I’ll feel good about it and know I didn’t get lazy on it or kind of whip it out.  If I did that I might as well just slap together used car ads or something else then to make money…I guess, maybe, not being an MFA is part of that.  I don’t have the connections and know when your good.  How do you know when you’re good?  I want to feel good about it and I do work hard at being “good.” 

An Emerging Artists and The Crux of The Process. 

JEB  “I want to come back to what you were saying.  I enjoy talking with you.  A lot of the other people I’ve interviewed are older and somewhat more certain of themselves, but it seems like you’re developing.” 

JG  “It’s my emerging artist.  It is hard if you don’t do the same thing everyday.  I worry about that.  Like am I going in too many directions?  I see similarities, I do try different things and it’s going to look different.  Like Pollock, where his later work, that series, no one is going to copy that.  I don’t have that.  I don’t know if that’s attainable.  To find something I like so much that I could do it -- a subject or a technique, or whatever to do something every day.  I think it might suck some of the fun out of it, the experience and playing is part of it.  I may not have that cohesive look after years and years of developing.”  

JEB  “What is the process of becoming better?”

JG  “I think what I mean, is that I can feel “Aha, that’s the perfect painting or the perfect composition!  It’s probably unattainable.  

JEB  “How do you know when a piece is finished?” 

JG  “Just by gut.  I let it sit around for a while.  I leave it barely close to what I think is done and I’ll either paint over it if I decide it isn’t done or I’ll kind of finish it up.  After a couple of weeks of looking at it I decide whether it’s something I want to stand behind or put out in the world.  I want to feel good about it, because maybe in the design world I have to always please somebody else, and with the paintings -- I want to feel good about it.”  

JEB  “Barry Geller, another fine painter who shows at OPUS6IX, told me that one of the things he enjoys most now is that he gets to do what he likes and nobody can tell him that it’s bad.” 

JG  “Exactly!’  That’s part of the freedom thing that I’m getting at; that this is the space where I can do what I want to do, and not just trying to sell a product. 

JEB  “So, with your painting:  the money is not the validation; it’s more internal?”

JG  “Yes, definitely, I could definitely make more money doing something else pretty quickly.” 

 JEB  “Is there anything else I should ask you about, because I don’t get the feeling I know who you are and what you’re all about?” 

JG  “Well maybe that’s because I don’t.  Lately I’ve been thinking that artists are supposed to have a vision and so much meaning, and I should be doing things that comment on the Iraq War, or … But I think I would just get too depressed doing it, so I don’t.” 

Doing Work For Joy. 

JG  “I used to be into the 50’s the vintage materials, the clothing, the patterns, like Calder’s shapes.  The contrast is something I like and try to go for -- long lines with a heavy mass.  I like Calder’s playfulness, that aspect of doing work for joy.”  

JG  “It’s not nothing, being happy.  In school, in the fine art classes I did take, it was pounded into me by all the teachers who were either feminist or… that you should be exploring your deepest, darkest fears.  Maybe that was just part of the times?  So maybe I always have in the back of my head that’s what I’m supposed to be, something political.  I couldn’t make that kind of art.  It would be too much.”

©Joey Emil Blum, 2006.